Grief At It’s Worst

The incredible emptiness of losing a child is beyond any comparible measurement known to man.  Only a grieving parent truly knows this type of void.

Recently, there was a photo which quickly spread through the internet of metal human statue presenting a hole carved out of the chest. The hole was so large it lacked any type of proportions other than shoulders and arms a head and waist.  The head hung very low, and you could tell the energy from the living parent represented by this sculpture was, well .. lifeless.   This is grief at its worst.

When I viewed the sculpture I had no idea what it represented and didn’t read the title immediately, but I pointed to it and told my husband; “This is me.”  A lifeless parent with a hole no one can fill.

My heart left with my child like a balloon attached to her wrist as she floated into heaven with her angels and with who she has said, “Christ.”

At first, I was so angry with God for taking my child! I cursed him as I fell to the ground in agony many times.  “How could you take my only daughter?!” “Why do you let murderers live and my beautiful baby leave?”  I compared how some live after drowning, some fail suicide attempts, and some even survive hanging themselves.  But not my Rylie. He took her away.

I punished myself because I thought the Universe, God, whatever existed was ultimately punishing me for anything I have ever done.  Why else would I be forced to live this hell?

I went a while before hearing an answer to this.  It was not God who answered me.  It was Rylie.  I will share more about this, but first I would like to explain something to grieving parents and just those who grieve for a loved one of any relationship.

We haven’t lost anyone! They still exist in pure love and energy form. This is the same form in which we feel hope and love from Divine Source.  I like to call this energy source God, but you are free to call this source anything you wish.

I have seen and heard from Rylie many times.  I know where she is, who she is with, and what she is doing.  All any mom could ask for when checking up on our independent children. Right? Rylie was so incredibly independent.  She still is.

I know my child is incredibly safe right now. She is loved beyond measure.  So is your child, parent, friend, partner, and so on.

Am I a preacher, no. Am I religious, no. I grew up in church, but we all have our preferences.  I am spiritual. I have several gifts and I can see the other side plainly. However, I still grieve.  I still long for my daughter’s physical presence and I ask her daily to come back as I cry myself to sleep.  She is and always will be my Sunshine. My Star. My life.

Now, to be able to live again under these circumstances. . It’s possible.

 

6 thoughts on “Grief At It’s Worst”

  1. Rene i hope you know just how powerful your words are. I cant really describe the feeling i have as i sit here reading your words as tears stream down my face……

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi Rene,. I too live your words as you know. As the days move forward, I become stronger. I keep myself close with him spiritually and I talk with him all the time like he is here.. cuz he is. i can feel his energy and that is what keeps me going I think. I still get the big waves from time to time that want to knock me on my butt… those only make me stronger. Anyways, just checking in .
    Tina

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am so sorry for you having to go through this as well. There are no words, but know you aren’t alone and know what stage of grief you are in.

      Love to You!
      Renee

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  3. I wanted to reach out to you because someone recommended you see a blog of mine. My brother took his life when I was 14 and I was very angry for a long time; angry at God. I could so relate to this post and it hurts when someone is taken away from us from so suddenly and I know I was left with so many questions; most of it consisting of why? Why me. What did I do to deserve this? Although I now have God in my life; I still don’t have an answer. I just take comfort in knowing I am not alone. Thank you for your beautiful post; this is mine I wrote about grief and suicide. Take care and God bless

    https://revolutionarymusings.wordpress.com/2018/07/17/the-ripple-effect-of-suicide-2/

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    1. Thank you so much! I will read yours as well! I know it feels better that we aren’t alone, but then again it’s a pain no one wishes to share. I wouldn’t wish child loss and it’s gut wrenching agony on anyone. My son lost his sister that day. So he is sharing some of your pain. God Bless! ❤️🌈

      Like

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