Child loss and grief is a very touchy subject. When you are trying to relate to the grieving, it can be more hurtful than good.
I had someone tell me that another mother is grieving her children because the father gained custody and she isn’t allowed to see them. This was not helpful to me in my grief.
I tried to understand where the good from this conversation came from. It is a loss both ways, however knowing your child can come back and speak to you again is a possibility and that’s somewhat soothing whereas my child will not be coming back.
Depending on a person’s beliefs one may believe her child no longer exists at all after their physical body has ceased to function.
Which just isn’t so, but grief can put a parent in a place of severe hopelessness and emptiness. It’s hard to see tomorrow when grief has you stuck in the day they left. It’s hard to see a tomorrow that will never be. It’s a constant yearning. It’s wishful thinking, pinching yourself to wake up from this hellish nightmare, crying yourself to sleep and wishing you could just die right along with them but knowing you can’t because of others and because of divine intervention.
One never knows what to say to a grieving parent and that’s ok! They truly just need to be hugged or just have someone there Incase they feel like they can’t get up.
I have forgotten to eat, and I needed someone to make sure I was eating. I needed someone to remind me of why God would take my child so early. My husband is so gentle about this and it’s helpful.
There simply are no right words for a grieving parent and to not find them or to want to take back what you have said is normal and scary at the same time. Many people walk on egg shells around grieving parents and for good reason. They don’t know what to say without leaving the griever worse than they found her.
For the grieving, know that most people mean well no matter what they say. The person is trying to relate to help you feel better.
From experience, it’s easier if you hear what someone is saying, but don’t take it to heart. If I let the comparisons get to me, I would lose more people in my life when all they meant to do was help me.
Its easy to push people away when you’re grieving because you may want to be alone. You may feel like losing a child is punishment, torture, and pure hell. It is pure hell. It’s not punishment from the Divine. It’s not Karma. It’s not the Universe taking from you. It’s soul duty to live and to leave. We have no control over the timeframes.
As for relationships with those who are trying to console us and say the wrong thing because let’s be honest nothing they say will help; we are all here to love, forgive, and help each other. Don’t let words be a means to an end.